Fifty Monks from Fifty States ?

Albania

A monk from Tirana, Albania

fell prey to a terrible mania

and began biting necks

of the fairer sex

in the fashion of old Transylvania. (MDW)

A vampire monk from Tirana
and the bloodsucking nun called Diana
Desired southun' belles
With their saucy red cells
Turned into bats and flew to Savannah. (Theo)

Angola

Argentina

Armenia

A nationalist monk from Erevan

Arranged a mission by caravan

Arrived at Lake Van

Cried out "Hayastan!"

And never was heard from again.  (MDW)

Australia

There once was a monk from ol' Perth

To the surprise of his Order gave birth

"This seems a bit shady

But we see you're a lady

Which to us just increases your worth!"  (Theo)

There once was a monk from Down Under

Who worshiped the God of the Thunder

Who we know as Thor

From Teutonic folklore

To the novices he was a fair wonder!  (Theo)

(I know...absolutely nothing is Australia-related)

There once was a monk from Down Under

Who loved trekking and Fosters and thunder

He got kicked by a 'roo

Found a snake in his shoe

"Consuming 10 oil cans was my blunder?!"   (Theo)

(25 ouncers baby!)

A monk from New South Wales

Drank Fosters in buckets and pails

When he went to New Castle

His pickup-lines were not facile

Goes home alone just biting his nails . (Theo)

A monk from New South Wales

Has the answers to all for what ails

Have two Fosters with eggs

And warm up your legs

Walkabout on the Outback's fine trails! (Theo)

Austria

This Monk came to musical Vienna
A pilgrim from holy Siena
He farted at Mozart
"Your music's like most art,
Too lewd for my moral antenna!" (Theo)

A bald monk from high in the Alps
Had the secret to curing bald scalps
Make the sign of the cross
Put on your head some peat moss
And behave like some strapping young whelps! (Theo)

Bahrain

There once was a monk from Bahrain

Rambunctious and difficult to train

Perpetually novice

He will never hold office

Until he's more humble, not vain. (Theo)

Belgium

Belize

An old pious monk from Belize

Prayed and prayed on his knees

and so he did stay

until he finally one day

said "I'm stuck, someone help me up please!"  (MDW)

Bermuda

A fisherman monk from Bermuda

had not quite the wisdom of Buddha

though he once saw a school

and thought it was cool

it happened to be barracuda. (MDW)

Bosnia and Herzegovina

This monk came from Herzegovina

Who secretly worshipped Athena

The brandy so strong

He shared with the throng

Of  folks who lived in his arena.  (Theo)

This monk from Bosnia-Herzegovina

Had a big boat at the marina

He smuggled a geisha

From Japan through Croatia

"From now on your name is Christina!" (Theo)

Botswana

There once was a monk from Botswana

Who daily strived for Nirvana

On a trip to Somalia

Said to his friends, "I see all a 'ya!

Eating khat...is it like marijuana??"  (Theo)

Brazil

There once was a monk from Brazil

Who worked harder than most with a quill

Until Mardi Gras

When his morals would thaw

He had many a need to fulfill.  (Theo)

There once was monk from Brazil

Unsurpassed in honor and skill

But at Mardi Gras

Was the king of faux pas

When wine and tequila he'd swill. (Theo)

There once was a monk from Brazil

Whose temper was often quite shrill

At Mardi Gras he was mellow

A very sweet fellow

Till rum made him violently ill!  (Theo)

Bulgaria

There once was a monk from Bulgaria

Who fancied good beer from Bavaria

He drank numerous kegs

With his bacon and eggs

And scoffed at the poor in his area.  (Theo)

There once was a monk from Bulgaria

Who trekked in a rain forest area

He drank very good ciders

And hunted rare spiders

But came home with a deadly malaria. (Theo)

Canada

There once was a monk from fair Canada

Alberta

British

Columbia

Nova Scotia

Ontario

Quebec

A querulous monk from Quebec
Awoke with a pain in the neck
He challenged his Father
Why do you bother?
Oppress the oppressor? O heck!  (Dorothy)

Saskatchewan

Catalunya

Chile

China

Columbia

Costa Rica

This monk came from fair Costa Rica

Spiced meals with hot Spanish paprika

His tongue would catch fire

So he'd plead with his Prior

"Please transfer me up to Eureka!"  (Theo)

Czech

Republic

These monks are a bunch of wild Czechs

At parties they become giant wrecks

This misbehavior

Frowned on by our Savior

Just makes them our Order's rejects. (Theo)

This monk is a fun-loving Czech

With nuns he often would neck

"I know it's a sin!"

He said with a grin

"So I'll cleanse on a spiritual trek!"  (Theo)

There once was monk from Prague
Who had a terrible fear of the Plag
When he moved to the Hauge
He contracted the Plague
Hired a nun to give him a flog! (Theo)

Cuba

There once was a monk from Aruba
Who knew how to blow a mean Tuba
At times he would fart
While playing his part
With the visiting band from near Cuba. (Theo)

A Neptune-like monk from Aruba
spent his days at the reef diving scuba
he poked with his trident
the ocean floor sediment
and there found a boatman from Cuba. (MDW)

Cyprus

Denmark

There was a bald monk from cold Denmark

Read Hamlet...left more than one pen mark

"The world's all a stage!

I love every page!"

He shouted, which made his dog Sven bark.  (Theo)

A monk from the land of the Danes

Proud warrior and master of thanes

He liked to attack!

Anglo Saxons he'd hack!

To steal women, gold cups, and their grains! (Theo)

A monk from the land of the Danes

Wrote poems in lovely quatrains

His rhymes were transcendent

His name in the ascendant

Till FIRE!...now nothing remains (Theo)

This monk was a stout-hearted Dane

Loved pleasure and challenge and pain!

At Wessex met Alfred

The king that they all dread

To Vikings is now the great bane! (Theo)

A devout monk from Copenhagen

Read "Cosmos" by Carl Sagan

So freaked out by the stars

He took refuge in bars

And now is decidedly pagan. (MDW)

An imbibing monk in Copenhagen

Passed out and fell on his noggin

What nonsense he said

As he lay there and bled

Made more sense than some peoples bloggin'. (MDW)

Dubai

Egypt

There once was a monk from Egypt

Down a hidden staircase he tripped

"Thank God I'm a rummy

I discovered a mummy!

This bedroom is really a crypt!" (Theo) 

There once was a monk from Egypt

Whose morals were known to have slipped

Found himself amid

A great pyramid

Below the waste he had totally stripped! (Theo)

Faroe

Islands

Finland

France

A monk from the mountains of France
Encountered a bare beach by chance
Though he fervently tried
To remain dignified
He soon lost his robe and his pants. (Dorothy)

There was a bald monk from fair Nantes

A master of Gregorian chant

He venerated the saints

On canvas in paints

And danced Tango with nuns...most charmant! (Theo)

There once was a monk from Bordeaux

Who continually let the wine flow

At Vespers he craved

The bottle he saved

To his shame it was only Merlot.  (Theo)  

This monk came from most holy Reims

Whose hobby was reading the palm.

This he learned in Copenhagen

A city wicked and too pagan

Forbidden by every known Psalm. (Theo) 

There once was a monk from fair Nice

Who had a most sudden caprice

He took off his clothes

In the Name of the Rose

And was captured by bon French Police. (Theo) 

(and they were hunks...so, I don't know...I'm just sayin'...)

A Friar named Frank was a Franc

From Toulouse, too much grog Frank Drank

Too blotto to run

Police ended Frank's fun

And he awoke in a stinky drunk tank  (NG)

 A monk up in Alsace-Lorraine
dozed off on a south-bound train
so when he opened his eyes
he was duly surprised
to wake up in Cordoba, Spain.  (MDW)

A faith healing monk from Orleans
spoke directly to blood and to genes
some thought him insipid
for his chatting with lipids
and yukking it up with proteins.  (MDW)

 A monk from his cell in Crecy

engaged in the worst prophecy

warned "forget the apocalypse,

this world's a necropolis

and its map says "vous etes ici.  (MDW)

A vampire monk from Tirana

and the bloodsucking nun called Diana

Desired southun' belles

With their saucy red cells

Turned into bats and flew to Savannah. (Theo)

This friar, a stout-hearted Franc
From Toulouse, too much grog Frank Drank
Too blotto to run
Police ended Frank's fun
And he awoke in a stinky drunk tank. (NG)

Georgia

Germany

A colicky monk from Cologne
Hid a musical talent that shone
When the prayers were prayed
And the tithes were all paid.
He tooted a mean saxophone  (Dorothy)

Hong Kong

Iceland

India

Indonesia

The Wheel of Time

what the...?

A Novice that left the White Tower
Where she labored hour on hour
Now wears the Ring of the Serpent
Dressed in white, life is urgent
For the Test of the Shawl brings real power!   (Theo)

This monk came from the great Wheel of Time
A Novice, was destined to rhyme
In times that are tragic
She might use her white magic
And her beauty is strong and sublime! (Theo)

A Novice was sent to White Tower
To train and discover her power
To become Aes Sedai
And channel on high
She first must learn not to cower! (Theo)

(dedicated to Our Lady of Dutrieux...she earns 3 indulgences for idea!)

Iran

A mendicant monk from Baghdad

Became rich by looking so sad

As muttering curses

Ladies dug in their purses

And gave him all that they had. (MDW)

Iraq

This monk came from Ireland's Limerick

From a famous abbey of Benedict

He joined 50monks.com

And praised with aplomb

Ireland

Israel

This monk came from beautiful Napoli
He sang through the streets, oh so happily
He couldn't carry a tune
And would howl at the moon
Even dogs thought he yelped rather crappily. (Theo)

(Disgraziato!  A Neopolitan monk who can't sing??!!)

There once was a monk from old Venice

Who was known as a bit of a menace

He pee'd in the canal

While reading Pascal

And skipped vespers to play table-tennis  (Theo)

A demented monk from St. Peters

poisoned the papel bird-feeders

the next day at dawn

hearing no birdsong

gloated "take that, you pestilent tweeters!" (MDW)

Italy

Japan

A monk on a Kenyan safari

chased cheetahs in a bright red Ferrari

of the roadkill in his wake

5 hyenas, 11 meerkats and a snake

it seems he was not very sorry. (MDW)

Kenya

There once was a monk from Beirut
He ate beans and often would toot
He farted real bad
On a trip to Baghdad
And for that, they gave him the boot! (Theo)

Lebanon

There once was monk from ol' Libya

Most jolly, he often will rib 'ya

And for my money

He's outrageously funny

Slapped my leg till I bruised my left tibia . (Theo)

Libya

This monk came from Mexico City

Drank Mezcal and was crazy and witty

He woke up in Zocala

No en su sala

With bad breath and just a bit gritty.   (Theo)

This monk came from old Tehuantepec

Where strong women can make you a wreck

They live matriarchal

But his robes would just Sparkle

And he knew in which order to peck!   (Theo)

(oh, but the colors are FABULOUS!)

An eccentric monk from Cancun

Had his face tattooed like a raccoon

each day that he'd wake

realizing his mistake

cursed "why did I not opt for baboon?" (MDW)

Mexico

There was a bald monk from Morocco
Who had a few holes in his socko
But given some yarn
He knew how to darn
To his tailor, this caused quite a shocko!  (Theo)

Morocco

In mountainous northern Nepal
A monk took a treacherous fall
But because of insight
His limbs folded just right
And no real harm was done him at all. (Dorothy)

Nepal

Whose computer got froze by a spamster-jam

So he picked up his quills

And wrote with such thrills

Till he shouted with pain, Oh! Crampster!  Damn!(Theo)

An erudite monk from The Hague

Was fearful of catching the plague

He tore out his hair

Till his scalp was quite bare

Netherlands

A chemist monk from New Zeeland

perfected a new form of sealent

It prevented beer

from losing its cheer

and leading folks to disagreement. (MDW)

New

Zealand

This Norwegian monk loved Peer Gynt

Which left a most noble imprint

On his desire for plays

That were proudly Norway's

Which before he'd just given a glint. (Theo)

A spiritual monk lived in Oslo

On his cell wall, he saw a wood cross glow

This must be a sign

Unless I drank too much wine??

I ate enough pasta with sauce, though!!  (Theo)

Norway

There once was a monk from North Pole.
Never scored on golf's bloody ninth hole.
He set it on fire.
Denied it, the liar!
"It was Santa, he's out on parol !" (Manon)

North Pole

There once was a monk from old Palestine
Who was a wonderful  pal of mine
I prayed on his rugs
Gave him many bear hugs
And drank from his cup, bowl, and chalice & stein!  (Theo)

(the wine, the beer...the corruption is all of mine)

Palestine

There once was monk from Paraguay

Who was sadly losing a hair a day

“Lord, it appears that you’ve called

For me to go bald

Just don’t take my youthful libido away.  (Theo)

Paraguay

Philippines

There once was a monk from old Poland

Who loved to read Song of Roland

He fought  for Charlemagne

Killed Saracens in his brain

Till the meds slowly cramped his strong bow hand. (Theo)

(French lit. will do that to you...!)

There once was a bald monk from Krakow

A loner whose friend was a black cow

But there was just one

Good-natured young nun

Who'd visit, clean, cook and has know-how.  (Theo)

(in the more subtle, feminine arts...hee, hee)

A food loving monk from Wraclaw
Fine stews and soups making pots of
But while in the kitchen
Subdued his involuntary twitchin
By sipping vodka of which he had lots of. (MDW)

A monk from the port of Gdansk
Visiting the Mordovian city, Saransk
Spoke not one word of Moksha
Or understood  Erzya
But tried German when given the chance. (MDW)

Poland

Portugal

A Romanian monk from Cluj

Opted to train for the luge

But his tightwadded antics

At the winter olympics

Made everyone think him a Scrooge. (MDW)

Romania

This monk strolled on Nevsky Prospekt

He never gained proper respect

He drank too much vodka

Was exiled to Nakhodka

Russia

Saudi Arabia

An Edinburgh monk that knew Darwin

Found his theories rather quite jarrin'

This evolution

Could cause revolution

From my flock, this knowledge I'm barrin'. (Theo)

A lonely monk up in John o' Groats
Stared days by the sea out at the boats
northwards to St. Margarets Hope
with his dog on a rope
he dreamt of damsels in petticoats. (MDW)

There once was a monk from fair Glasgow
Whose neon – green robes made his ass glow
He put aside some convention
And gathered attention
The nuns all thought he had brass, though. (Theo)

Scottland

There was fine monk from Seychelles

Who owned a chain of hotels

This sounds obscure

He's supposed to be poor

Just a myth that his church often sells!! (Theo)

Seychelles

Singapore

South Africa

South Korea

A monk serving the inquisiton
Found himself in a tricky position
While tormenting a Moor
He thought was impure
But was saying an act of contrition. (MDW)

A monk from the Gardens Aranjuez

Does whatever the superior nun says

“Stand on your head!

Now take me to bed!

I tire of you little fat dunces!” (Theo) 

There once was a monk from granada

Who fancied a good empanada

To his disbelief

Spain ran out of beef

Now forced to eat cheese enchalada. (Theo) 

There once was a monk from Seville

Who slipped on a lemon peel

Unlucky fellow

That makes Limoncello

On him Monetary’s illegal still. (Theo) 

A monk from the Gardens Aranjuez
Does whatever the superior nun says
“Stand on your head!
Now take me to bed!
I tire of you fat little dunces!”  (Theo)

There once was a monk from granada
Who fancied a good empanada
To his disbelief
Spain ran out of beef
Now he's forced to eat cheese enchalada.  (Theo)

There once was a monk from Seville
Who slipped on a lemon peel
Unlucky fellow
That makes Limoncelo
On his Monestary’s illegal still.  (Theo)

Spain

A century old monk from Ceylon

Shared the reason his life was so long

I laugh till I cry

But not till I die

He said and skipped off with a song. (Dorothy)

Sri Lanka

Sudan

There once was monk from fair Sweden

Whose advice you'd better be heedin'

He descends from high kings

From the land of Vikings

And for life you will often be pleadin'. (Theo)

This monk was a lively young Swede

Who survived drinking very strong Meade

Sometimes he would try

To go raiding while high

On his trustworthy strong sober steed. (Theo)

This monk comes from hot-blooded Swedes

Who needed to spread his good seeds

If not for the crop

But to lie on the top

To produce all the sons that he needs. (Theo)

Sweden

There once was monk from olde Berne

Where people are usually stern

But he liked to party

Like Germans, more hearty

Decorum was not his concern.  (Theo)

There once was a monk from Geneva

Sang soprano and behaved like a Diva

"For it is no crime,

That I am so sublime

I live life and take intiziativa!" (Theo)

There once was monk from cold Switzerland

So boring, his nickname was Mr. Bland

He started writing his rhymes

And had glorious times

With Absinthe he became the tounge-twister man (Theo)

Switzerland

Tajikistan

This monk surfed the beach at Pataya
So naughty, he just went astray-a
He drank good Thailand rum (from Cuba)
And started to hum
With the boys that do things that way-a

(naughty, naughty boy!) (Theo)

Thailand

A Tibetan monk I respect
warned me of my major defect
should I waste any more time
writing monk-laden rhyme
I'll reincarnate as an insect. (MDW)

Free Tibet

There once was a monk from south Turkey

Who's ideas were clever and perky

To challenge his mind

He left behind

His hometown and ran off to Berkeley!  (Theo)

There once was a bald monk from Turkey

Who crafted a famous beef-jerkey

It is not complicated

When you're amalgamated

And get all your spices from Durkee  (Theo)

There was a fine monk from north Turkey

Who's faith and vision were murky

So he suffered the wrath

Of a hot Turkish bath

And now is feeling more perky!  (Theo)

In Konya a monk and a dervish

At a restaurant complained of the service

The waitress they said

Had asked both to bed

And made them exceedingly nervous (MDW)

A cynical monk came from Sinop

His antics just made your chin drop

"Diogenes has no class!

I'll kick his ass!

Especially when I get ginned-up!  (Theo)

Turkey

Uganda

Ukraine

United

Kingdom

Uzbekistan

There once was a monk from Caracas
A Chavista who played the Maracas
For the U.S. election
He sang out his selection
"I proudly support the Barackas!"  (Theo)

This monk came from Old Venezuela
Had an affair with Sister Consuela
She gets all hot-blooded
For the monks who are hooded
"Iz nice, and so soft...molto bella!"  (Theo)

Venezuela

This monk came from North Viet Nam
Marched with Minh, because he gave a damn!
“Our Holy Grail
Begins on this trail
Where someday we should build a tram!”  (Theo)
 

Vietnam

Zimbabwe